Never Bet Against An Aburame
by The Real Chys Lattes
Summary: Shikako Nara makes a spur-of-the-moment bet with Shino Aburame. This might not have been a good idea. (A recursive fanfiction of 'Dreaming of Sunshine' by 'Silver Queen'.) Takes place after Naruto leaves.
1. Chapter 1: The Bet

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, and Shikako Nara belongs to Silver Queen, I've just borrowed them for a while. (I'll put them back, I swear!) This fic is listed under _Silver Queen's_ Heliocentrism list, alongside other much better fics set in her DoS universe. Check them out!

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Never Bet Against An Aburame:

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How could Shikako have fallen for it, of all things? She just had to open her mouth and inject her own stupidity into the conversation. OK, so she's a Nara- everyone knows she's not stupid- but in this instance one could argue the point. She honestly didn't think that her words would make it worse. Otherwise, she would have kept her thoughts to herself. By all reasoning it shouldn't have happened. Really, she didn't make it worse for everyone else- only herself. Then again, everyone else also had to live with the consequences of that regretful mistake. (People actually took pictures. Pictures! She was certain those would haunt her until she died.) She was usually so good about filtering her words, too.

In hindsight, when Sasuke and Kiba got into that ridiculous argument, there was no way to save the situation. She should have known better and just walked away. Shino, he really did try, but his words of sage advice couldn't really be heard over the loud arguing between the two overly competitive shinobi. She could see the veins on his forehead pulsing with his frustration. The boy was seriously developing issues when it came to interacting socially. When the first punches were thrown, the bug loving boy ended up backing away hastily to lean against a tree and simply observe the oncoming storm. Hinata, hands held up over her mouth to hide her expression, eyes shied away, hid behind the tree to wait out the shouting, occasionally peeking from over Shino's shoulder, only to vanish once more behind him.

They'd been arguing over whose team gets to use the training grounds. It was team seven's regular training grounds, the one with the memorial cenotaph of all places, so it was a moot point for them. Kiba didn't seem to think so, as their teams training ground had been suddenly commandeered by team three, with absolutely no explanation as of why or how, and had Maito Gai and his students running circles around the place while various projectile weaponry was launched and ricocheted against every available surface. This happened at constant intervals, with Tenten providing the never-ending supply of sharp, pointy weapons and Neji blocking them to redirect them into various trees, rocks, and occasional passing ninja. Apparently turning your team mates and fellow Konoha shinobi into shish-kebobs was considered appropriate team bonding exercise. (If Gai's exclamations of glee every time someone dodged or failed to dodge a projectile weapon heading right for them were anything to go by!)

Kiba, to say the least, was not amused. Neither was team seven.

When the fight between a disgruntled Sasuke and an irate Kiba started, Kakashi-sensei had (wisely) mysteriously vanished. She knew for a fact he had scheduled team seven's use of the field, as he always does. Apparently Kiba thought his team should be allowed to use it, since it was quite large and they could divide the space, and took offense at being told they would be needing to wait for the entirety of the space to become available rather than sharing. Kakashi-sensei was the one whom informed him of this, as he sat at the base of a tree and organized things in his hip pouch. His refusal to allow team eight to participate in the training got Kiba on edge. At Sasuke's agreeing grunt, (a mere grunt!) the damage had been done. Kiba turned on him like- well, like a rabid dog, actually- complete with Akamaru's growling warning in the Uchiha's direction. (Neither were man or dog enough to confront Kakashi-sensei themselves, apparently, so Sasuke was the next best target of their ire.)

Kakashi-sensei had even accidentally left his hip pouch behind, in his haste to get away from the noisy teens. He'd said something about "I hear Tenzo calling me~!" and was gone in a swirl of leaves. This Tenzo, whom she'd met a few times previously, wasn't even in the village at the moment, Shikako knew. She'd overheard him mentioning he had a mission as he headed out with a team of mixed jounin and chunin, saying goodbye to the gate guards (Raido and Genma this time) as he'd left that very morning (and they had headed out to the training grounds.) He was due back in a week. If their Sensei really had vanished for an entire week (as her growing suspicions made her wonder) when he'd promised some personal training with them, again, she was going to put a fast drying glue and sparkly glitter confetti exploding seal on every entrance to his home, just because. Also, the same at Gai's place, where she knew he would hide. And that tree where he liked to hang out instead of sitting on the bench below like a normal person. With her luck it would be the one day he chooses to sit on the bench, though.

Despite the aggression aimed their way, solely from a vexed Sasuke, team eight just wasn't leaving. Hinata was tapping her index fingers against one another as she turned her back to the quarreling duo. Shikako, from her vantage point crouching on an overhanging limb in the tree above, measured just how far she could reach to catch their shadows simultaneously. She judged they were well within the range of her jutsu.

"Any bets I can resolve this issue with one move?" Shikako asked offhandedly, a wry grin on her face as she observed the chaos before her.

"I know I can." Shino stated confidently, his voice barely filtering through the bustle playing out in the clearing. "But if you cannot, decisively, stop them with your one move, and if it turns out that I can, then there is a penalty. Why? Because this is a bet, of course. What is the penalty? You must obey my whim for the next twenty-four hours, Shikako-san. The same goes in reverse."

"Oh, you're on."

"Uh... uhm, that's not really necessary... We don't have to fight!" Hinata tried to call out to the quarreling boys scuffling in the clearing. Sasuke had Kiba bent over in a painful looking headlock while Akamaru was lifting his leg in Sasuke's direction, unbeknownst to the other shinobi as he was right behind him and out of his line of sight, therefore the Uchiha was about to get an unpleasant surprise. Deciding it was best to stop it now, Shikako sent her shadow tendirls out to the group to capture them.

Successful, she manipulated their limbs caught in a shadowy choke-hold, trying to get them to look her way, though they fought her fiercely in the opposite direction until they were both facing the large white dog. Fighting against their restraints, the boys only had a moment of horror to realize they both were caught in the line of Akamaru's less-than-dynamic marking.

The dog, uncaring of human social issues, continued to show them his opinion of the altercation. His human, he believed, was being an immature pup.

"Hey, buddy, no! Not on me!"

"OH MY GOD." Sasuke's panic made his voice crack.

The shock of getting pissed on broke Sasuke out of her jutsu. Her shadows snapped like twigs. His sharingan flaring to life, the Uchiha screamed in rage as he jumped the dog, whom dodged with speed and a yelp back into the bushes. Due to Sasuke's grand fireball, said bushes weren't there for very long. Leaving Kiba to struggle and writhe alone against Shikako's shadows, Akamaru was not seen by him for the rest of the day. ("Why is your tail singed and smoking?" Kiba's mom Tsume asked, when Akamaru returned home without his partner a very short time later. He wagged it slowly, looking forlorn, and went to hide in the laundry room. Fearing something bad that the dog couldn't convey had happened, she found her partner and headed out to track Kiba down after that.)

Not being able to move on his own, Kiba was unable to dodge the fresh assault coming his way when Sasuke turned on the Inuzuka with righteous anger.

Shikako, having been sure that her shadow stitching tendrils would stop them fighting long enough for them to hear her out, was appalled by the problem that before she could even open her mouth to suggest a compromise, Sasuke had broke free. She wanted to stay in the practice of manipulating objects and people without having them mimic her precisely, which is always good to be able to do on the fly, so she employed that jutsu rather than shadow possession. Just the fact that Sasuke had broken free and proceeded to pummel Kiba with his fists was enough for her to slowly come to the realization she was now Shino's servant...provided he was able to stop the altercation himself. She turned her eyes down in his direction, calculating. He wouldn't make bets lightly. He stood ramrod straight, watching the fight unfold, a few insects idly crawling across his face, though she still couldn't see his eyes. As she released Kiba from her shadows, she felt it. It only took a moment for her to see what was happening.

This did not bode well.

Sasuke, exhausted, fell over face-first into the grass, a slightly drooling Kiba landed on top of him. A cloud of insects flew out from their clothing, returning to their master's awaiting arms.

Shino turned to stare through his dark glasses at the girl in the tree, "I win." His insects had siphoned away their chakra to the point they were exhausted!

Hinata (the little traitor) let out a small giggle, then looked horrified up at Shikako when she realized what she'd done. Shikako honestly couldn't blame her, and snickered as well.

Now, according to Shino, she had to spend the next day wearing a spare green unitard and orange leg warmers she must borrow from (an overly enthusiastic at her sudden youthful interest) Lee. He seemed genuinely touched by her request. She decided not to tell him what it was for.

She also had to wear a mask she'd pilfered from Kakashi's pouch that day when he left it behind, with her hitai-ate on her head in a lopsided angle like him, complete with holding an Icha Icha book (also pilfered from said pouch which told them just how fast he wanted to get away) no matter what she was doing, for the rest of the day. Chakra use was also forbidden for that 24 hours period, so she couldn't make a quick escape to avoid scrutiny by passersby... To make matters more complicated, she also had to adopt Sai's mannerisms and speech patterns. She didn't want to know how Shino knew Sai and how he behaved. Those were puzzles she just didn't have all the pieces to solve.

It was either going to be hell, or she'd have way too much fun with it. Either way, she was never making a bet with Shino again. Upon telling her the requirements of her loss, he wore a small, thin grin, which to him and other Aburames was the equivalent of cackling like a lunatic.

~...~

Tsume entered the clearing, backtracking Akamaru's trail. She saw her son, bruises blooming all over his exposed face and arms, laying atop that Uchiha twerp, also coated with bruises, both of them face down in the grass. They were laying in a very awkward looking position which she, in her amused pondering, figured the female population of Konoha would pay good money for a picture of. (Too bad she didn't have her camera.) They were covered in Akamaru's scent, which made her raise her brows curiously.

Kuromaru came up behind her at a run, and slid to a stop beside her. He took one look at them with his one good eye, his only ear twitching, took in their scent, then exhaled slowly. He turned right back around to walk home, already done with the situation. "You deal with the pup. I'm going home." He could hear her laughing all the way back to the Inuzuka estate.


	2. Chapter 2: The Incident

**Author's Note:** _I intended the first one to just be an amusing one shot but then I saw that this got over 10 follows with the word 'complete' clearly published in the description, so I figured eh, why not write one more? So, ooc-ness abounds. Imagine it's an episode of Rock Lee and his Ninja Pals. I'm high on pain meds after my surgery, and it still hurts. Blame most of this on that. I can't write anything serious right now to save my life._

 **Never Bet Against An Aburame Again**

Really not wanting to go out there, she pulled the curtain back, peering outside. From her window all she could see was the thick, lush trees surrounding her home, but she knew not far beyond that lay the village, the people, the scrutiny, and she shame. Or maybe she was dragging that last bit along behind her already? Too soon. She was already regretting her decision to bet against the Aburame.

No turning back now.

Dressed for the day, precisely as agreed, she'd come down to breakfast and sat at the table. Not a word was spoken. Glasses clinked, serving utensils were scraped against plates and bowls, eyes kept darting in her direction, then quickly back to their food as if they had no business looking. No one commented when her depth perception was compromised to the point she almost spilled her drink upon reaching for it, due to the sideways hitai-ate covering one eye completely.

Not. One. Word.

Her family really was smarter than the average person. They ate their breakfast in silence, each kept a straight face, and then headed out to work, or to tend their chores as if it were just a regular day. Except for the impressive silence. They didn't even say the customary ceremony before and after eating and before leaving. No one said goodbye. It was as if a dam were about to burst, and one word was all it would take to topple the wall and bring about the flood.

The silence, it seemed, spoke volumes for them.

She could almost forgive them for that, and even be thankful for the fact they were being sensitive to her plight. They knew what was going on (as she had explained it the night before when she'd walked into the door carrying 'That' over one arm after borrowing it from Lee.) If it weren't for what happened the minute they stepped out the door, the moment they thought they were gone from her sight, she could have overlooked it.

Peeking out the window, she watched as her father headed outside to tend the deer, a thin, semi-down turned grin on his face. With every step the grin got wider until he was actually smiling about as wide as Naruto would have. By the time he reached the gate, he was outright laughing at her!

Shikamaru, upon stepping outside, had kept a furious looking frown on his face. She had thought all through breakfast that he was mad at Shino, with a look like that, and feared a bit of vengeful retribution would be coming the bug-boy's way. He began to walk toward the village, and suddenly started coughing. His cough got worse until it was apparent he just couldn't stop. Thinking he needed help, Shikako was about to open the door and call after him, but then he suddenly darted and ran until he was nearly out of sight before stopping to lean against a tree. His cough morphed into something else, and she dropped her hand off the door handle, annoyed. He was long gone, almost stumbling down the dirt path, yet even then she still heard his gut-busting laughter filter through the trees and it was a long time before it quieted.

She hadn't heard him laugh like that in... well, she'd never heard him laugh quite like that before. Tapping her forehead lightly against the door repeatedly, smacking her lopsided hitai-ate into it, she let herself smile. He'd probably scared the deer away with all that racket.

Her mom, ever the supportive one, had said nothing as she gathered the dishes after breakfast. Cleaning them was a quick affair, and Shikako helped with the drying and replaced them in the cupboards. It wasn't until her mother headed upstairs alone that Shikako heard the first snort, then giggle, then quiet laugh-based sob. She was quietly laughing so hard she'd started tearing up.

Family. What can you do? At least they didn't laugh in her face.

She had to go outside, eventually. It was part of the requirement of the bet. Dressed like this, of all things- just proof that the universe truly had it in for her. It felt odd, stretched green and tight in a clinging fashion akin to a second skin. It itched in inappropriate places she didn't want to dwell on, and was a ghastly eyesore. It also smelled vaguely of dryer sheets, so at least she knew Lee kept it clean. She was thankful for that last bit.

What self-preservation instinct fled from her brain at such a crucial time as to allow her to make this bet with a hidden masochist? She didn't even know. Who would have thought the Aburame would have such a hidden trait? He'd probably do well to not advertise that side of himself. Then again, she supposed, he never really did.

Gathering her courage, she stepped outside into the cold, cruel world. And realized... for a chilly morning, it was actually quite comfortable out. Though her face felt a bit cool. Huh. Insulated? Maybe. At least it kept her warm enough, so it got points for that. And it breathed well when it needed to, so was great for working out in, if the insane exercise-obsessed duo's many rants on the topic was any indication. She hadn't honestly paid that much attention before and wondered if there were more to this stretchy clingy fabric than she'd first thought.

That didn't mean she was making a habit out of wearing it!

And that was how her day began. Not too bad, all things considered. She opened the orange book, held it up before her nose, and strolled into the busy streets of Konoha.

The Konoha Times later posted an article of what she'd begun to think of as the 'Please-Bleach-My-Brain-Now Incident'. She pondered if a Yamanaka could or would help with that.

Everyone in Konoha, even the civilians, regularly read that paper. There were hushed whispers as she passed on the streets, people she didn't even know hiding behind newsprint and pointing, staring. She was getting quite a bit of attention. Gawkers openly stood on the streets, stared out their windows, so she waved jovially as she passed them by. Until she remembered that was supposed to be out of character. Oops! Right, have to stay in character.

She didn't think it would get much worse than that; that people would get a laugh and then forget about it the next day. She should have seen it coming. In a special release, a numbered commemorative print, of the Konoha Times which was published later that evening there was a special long article about 'the bet,' and the end result, complete with photographs and spectator commentaries. Very, very lively commentaries. She didn't recognize half the names when she got her hands on the article, but it seemed everyone had something to say about the incident.

"She had such promise, then went downhill!"

"Poor girl, falling victim to such a shameful fate."

"I love her new look, she should keep it!"

"This is all Gai-senpai's fault."

"Who is that weirdo? That can't be a ninja. Ninjas are cool. That is not. Not cool."

"Is the village being infiltrated by the circus or something? Should we get an Anbu on that?"

"Who does her hair?"

"The girl looks like she assembled that off a hobo's clothesline. Take it back. Get a refund. She's not exactly a trendsetter."

"I have a cream for that."

So, it got much, much worse. Until she read the by-line on said article, and the fact that certain people had been following her closely all day, pestering.

How did that happen? Well...

The newly formed Team Ebisu: Konohamaru-kun, Moegi-san and Udon-kun. Or the Stuck-their-noses-where-they-don't-belong squad. That about wrapped it up.

"Who does your hair? Why didn't you make it stand upright like Kakashi-sensei's hair?" Moegi asked her, her own red hair up in ragged pigtails.

She gave the girl a smile that didn't reach her eyes, imitating Sai's fake emotions, which was actually harder than it appeared, though probably not as hard as it should have been. She wasn't exactly the most social butterfly to begin with, though people didn't seem to mind that much.

"Or were you going more for Lee-san's look, or was it Gai-sensei?" Udon just wouldn't let it go, pen in hand, taking notes. The Konohamaru squad as they like to call themselves, when really they're named Team Ebisu- sans their absent instructor- had been following her like ants on a log wherever she went. Actually the instructor was in and out of her range of perception, but wisely kept his distance. Smart man.

She was dressed in the insane get-up that Shino-kun insisted she wear, complete with a pilfered mask and Icha Icha book that her sensei was sure to be missing. To fill out the costume even more, she also wore his hip pouch which he had, in his haste, abandoned at the training grounds the other morning. She had seen nothing of her sensei since then. She pondered whether or not she owed him for having eaten the outdated-by-a-month ration bars she found in the pouch, then decided it didn't matter. They were stale anyway.

She recalled earlier that morning that she owed her sensei a prank, preferably an explosive one. She had pondered leaving one on Tenzo-senpai's door, or window, as since she knew he was out of town, her teacher was most likely holed up at his place. Then again, if she got Tenzo with it instead that would be quite rude. Rather than risk it, she had quietly set her plan into motion that morning with no one else the wiser.

"My stylist. He's superb. Don't ask his name. It's hush-hush secret, ninja stuff." She replied, a little out of character as she was supposed to be adopting Sai's dry mannerisms and speech, but really she decided to adopt his word inflection and overall monotone way of talking. So she said everything as if she'd never heard of emotions before. That counts as a kind of speech pattern, she supposed, which was what Shino asked for. Well, if she wanted to be fae about it. He didn't specify which speech pattern to adopt. Her sarcasm didn't quite come through as an end result, and the children continued to jot things down, unperturbed.

Udon sniffed, his nose running again, as he walked along beside her, also with a pen and paper in hand, scribbling away. Looking at the kid, she wanted to hand him a handkerchief, but unfortunately had barely any place to store her most basic of tools. How did Lee-kun and Gai-sensei manage?

She wasn't sure just what the brat pack had been writing about all of this time. They seemed to be taking notes with her every step. Didn't they have evil cats to catch or something, being newly minted genin themselves?

 _'Never again. Never betting against Shino-kun again. He's been walking around with that little smirk all day. That's the equivalent of laughing his ass off over this, Aburame-style. I bet his parents think there's something wrong with him today.'_

"Oooh, but I want his hair care secrets!" pressed Moegi.

 _'They'll admit him to the hospital for a check up, with all that smirking. He's probably laughing so hard he'll fall out of a tree.'_

"Sorry, Sasuke-kun would never tell you- oh darn." As if. Sasuke had nothing to do with her hair.

 _'Then again, his bugs would just catch him if Shino fell.'_

Konohamaru-kun crowed in glee at that revelation. This earned him a withering look from Moegi. He shrunk back behind her, "Eeeeh it's Sasuke-onii-san? No wonder he's so popular with the girls!"

On the other side of town, while drinking a glass of water, Sasuke-kun's glass broke in his hand. Setting the glass at the bottom of the empty sink in his kitchen, and watching the water trickle out the cracked side until it emptied, he breathed in slowly then let it out. Taking the bad omen for what it was, he went into his living room and settled back onto his couch with a book of difficult number puzzles, content to hide away for this day off and avoid his fan girls. Karma was not going to get him, good or bad. He would keep his mind sharp by solving logic puzzles. There was no point in having a well honed weapon if he didn't know how to best use it. Physical training could wait, for now. This decision meant he was the only soul to not get an eyeful of Shikako's penalty garb in person, thankfully. He'd had a bad day yesterday and frankly didn't deserve the torture. He needed to take care of his eyes, not damage them!

 _'I know you're watching, bug-boy. Eat it up. Then again, half of Konoha is watching! I see you, don't think I don't know you're there, I can sense you hiding. All of you Hyugas don't even need to leave your compound to get an eyeful. I know you're there.'_ Shino was indeed hiding, behind a tree a ways away. He'd been following her and from what she could discern, he was enjoying the ridiculous view. She idly wondered if the spandex material did anything good for her figure, then decided she didn't want to know. This would not be a habit, that's for certain.

Why was Moegi so interested in her hair? Honestly, she hadn't done anything different with it. Her hair, of all things that could have changed, had stayed exactly the same. She supposed she should take that as a compliment of sorts.

 _'Aoba-senpai, I know you're hiding behind that trash bin behind the barbecue place, inside which Chouji-kun is too busy eating to notice my city-wide burn-your-eyes-out-green debut.'_

She walked along, cataloging every eavesdropper she spied.

 _'I can actually see you, Anko-senpai, up on that roof, dropping dango sticks like flies, grinning so hard you're going to split your lip. Hey, I could help with that...'_

 _'Genma-senpai, up on the lamp post. Blatant...damn that's a shiny senbon in your mouth, do you polish those things? Wait... brain, don't go there...'_

 _'Even Ino's dad is watching, staring down at me from the rooftop up ahead. Agh, and Ino's up there, too, smirking. I'm never hearing the end of this... Is that... is that a smirk on his face, too? Never have they looked more alike than this moment. Huh. They're even standing with their arms crossed in the same way.'_

"Well, at least they're enjoying themselves." Shikako muttered to herself, kicking a rock as she hid her face behind a page of Icha Icha, one of the less disturbing ones.

"Who?" Konohamaru asked inquisitively, looking around but seeing no one. The area was full of ninjas; ninjas were pretty much falling out of the gutters, but of course he saw no one.

She gave him another fake smile, "Everyone, and their dogs."

He perked up, looking around but still seeing no one, "Oh, are the Inuzukas here?"

"Yes, three of the dogs, the Haimaru brothers. _Hiding, in the bushes_." she said in her monotone, pointing in their direction. She could actually feel their chakra waver as they slunked in hiding when they heard her. The dog's tails were between their legs at having been caught, trying to hide in the bushes quickly. "So much for being stealthy."

"Oh, neat. Hi puppies!" One of the tails sticking out of the bushes wagged when Moegi greeted them, then vanished.

She could hear the snapping of a camera. She turned the page, intently ignoring it. Someone would get a laugh out of it. She could almost feel the veins bulging on her forehead, much like an angered manga character.

As she rounded the corner, a green blur skid to a halt before her. "Shikako-san! You have embraced the flames of youth! Yes!" The green blur snapped into focus and revealed itself to be none other than Maito Gai, wearing his usual getup, which Shikako was now imitating. "And an ode to your sensei as well! Yes! This is the power we strive for, to encourage the next generation to become even better than ourselves! Your sensei should be proud."

"I think he's on vacation. Or hiding. Either way, he's got no clue." Konohamaru piped up from behind her, giggling into his flip book as he scribbled something else in it. "But he'll hear about it soon enough, I promise!"

"Yes, very good! Now then, time to embrace our youth, together! You are already dressed for the occasion." Before she could protest, Gai-sensei grabbed her by the wrist. With a powerful whoosh, they both disappeared in a swirl of leaves and dust, leaving the three children coughing and waving their notebooks in front of their faces to clear the air.

"Aaaw! Our interview!" Moegi cried, stomping her feet.

"We'll just make the rest up." Konohamaru snickered, "We've got plenty here already!"

"We can make her sound even _cooler_!" Udon suggested.

"Ooh, like the gossip magazines! I'm in." Moegi's smile became something much too sinister looking for her round little face.

Udon sniffled, "Moegi, sometimes you look just evil."

"Well, I've been working on it, but I'm not as good at pranks and things as you guys." Moegi admitted with a shy turn and wink.

"Did someone say _pranks_? I'm in the mood for pranks." Shikako suddenly appeared behind them, making them all yelp and jump into the air.

Moegi gasped, "You... just...!?"

Udon cried, between sniffles, "HOW?"

Konohamaru had actual stars in his eyes, she didn't know how he could see through them, for it almost looked like he was using some kind of illusion to portray his enthusiasm, "That was COOL. _Teach us_!"

"I'm a ni-n-ja," She said, waving the book in front of her face, with every syllable, "Say it with me. Nin-ja."

"Ninja!" they chorused loudly. She smirked but they didn't know it because of her mask, er, her sensei's borrowed mask. They were such good little kids.

"And maybe later. Now, about that prank... I originally gave this idea to Naruto, but he didn't quite follow through the way I described it. So! Listen up... If we're going to pull a prank, let's do it right! We'll need to acquire a few things, then meet at a certain location..." Shikako bent down and began to whisper to the newly appointed genin who leaned in in anticipation. None of the jounin and chunin watching could read her lips nor hear what she said, though many attempted to get close enough to overhear, but she finished her instructions too fast for them to catch anything.

"Yeah! That's brilliant! We'll do it!" Konohamaru cheered. After shoving his paper and pencil into his pouch he forcefully grabbed his teammates by the arms and vanished in what was actually a well executed shunshin, considering he'd brought the other two genin with him without their consent.

"Huh, not bad." She said in her Sai voice as she continued down the street thankfully unimpeded by note-taking brats. If she'd have known it was that easy to get them off of her back she would have given them this task hours ago.

"Did you send those brats after the Aburame kid for some revenge?" Anko asked, dropping down into the street beside Shikako. She had finished her dango and was wiping her messy hands on her coat.

"Nope. Revenge is petty, and pointless. I got myself into this mess on my own. I wouldn't send children to go get revenge for me. If I were to do such a thing I would do it myself. But like I said, pointless. I lost the bet. This was the price."

"Well, that's mature of you." Anko drawled, shoving her hands into her pockets as she walked beside Shikako slowly. She nodded at the book in Shikako's hand, "You get to page 145 yet? It's a good one."

Shikako paused, considering. She wasn't actually reading. "Ah. Nope, not yet."

"It's a good thing you got that mask on then, no one will see you blushing when you do get there. Also, that position? Totally doable if ya know what I mean." The woman said with a bright, cheerful smile. She clapped Shikako on the back, then disappeared in a swirl of leaves. _Who says she would blush?_

 _'There is something highly inappropriate in that woman's head,'_ She thought, shaking her own head at her, though not in a bad way. _'Not that I can blame her. Page 145, huh?'_

She's not going to mention how she actually did start reading, only to realize she'd lost track of time and exactly where she was as she wandered along, engrossed in an engaging story, and seeing nothing of what these books are usually accused of within. So intent on actually reading it, she almost ran into another person because of it. (A tall man carrying a fish basket who did a double-take upon seeing her. To be fair, he almost ran into her out of shock.) Well, that, and her lack of depth perception. No, no one will mention that, period. The snickers coming from the surrounding area are easily written off and ignored. Inconsequential. Nothing to do with her current situation. Nope. (The denial is strong with this one. Such an occurrence would never happen again. Ever. At all. Who is she kidding? She does _not_ run into things.)

Before she could get further down the street, a genin ran up to her, and skid to a halt when he saw what she was wearing, then started stuttering when he saw what was in her hand, "Uhm, are you, uh, Shikako Nara?" He asked, hesitant at her strange appearance. He began looking around as if he really were in the wrong place and was just confused.

"Yes. Why?"

"You've been... uh, summoned to the HOKAGE'S OFFICE!" He screeched before turning, laughing his ass off, then running like the hounds of hell were on his heels. If he feared retribution for his laughter it wasn't coming. She stood there in the street, book poised before her nose, shrugged at the trail of dust the genin left, and then turned to head to Tsunade's office, wondering what the Hokage wanted of her on her day off.

Entering the building next to the academy, after running the gamut of varied reactions from astonished secretaries, gaping guards, and random passersby passing out, she politely knocked on the Hokage's door and waited to be allowed entrance to her office. Shizune-senpai opened the door, only to slam it suddenly shut in Shikako's face. She then slowly opened it, peeked through the crack, then began to quietly giggle, covering her face quickly. She shut the door once more, to Shikako's annoyance. Either they wanted her in the office or not, which was it?

"Come in already! Shizune-san, what is wrong with you?" She heard the barked order of Tsunade from the other side of the door. Pushing it open, she stepped into the office and politely waited a few feet from the massive stack of papers that greeted her in lieu of seeing the Hokage's face. Shizune could not seem to stop giggling. She ran from the room and slammed the door behind her. Shikako could hear the chunin outside the door also laughing after holding it in for way too long. From the corner of the room came a masculine snicker, as if from behind a voice-changing mask, which filtered into the room uninvited.

"Is that my Anbu... laughing? What is so funny that-" Tsunade sipped from her drink, then sat upright to finally peek at Shikako from over the tallest pile of papers only to abruptly sputter, spitting a mouthful of alcohol all over her desk and drenching the once pristine pages.

"Is that... No. Take that off, NOW!" the demand was thick in the air.

"I... can't, Hokage-sama." She didn't really want to go into details as of why.

"I'm sure there is a zipper somewhere..." Standing so hard she knocked her chair over, Tsunade crossed the room in three strides and began to inspect the garish outfit clinically, spinning Shikako in place and looking at the stretchy fabric with morbid curiosity. "There is no zipper. Why is there no zipper. How did you get this on?"

"Copious amounts of alcohol?" Shikako joked, staring at the mess on the Hokage's desk and shrugging from behind the book which she held between her and her Hokage like a shield. Tsunade had yet to see past all of the awful green to notice the book.

"And how do you get it off?"

"Copious amounts of alcohol and a brief lapse of judgement?" She gave the Hokage a slow blink she'd seen her sensei do several times before, and now understood it completely. She gave a small smile under her mask.

Tsunade-sama gave her a generously dark glare in return then threw her hands in the air, crossing back over to her desk. She grabbed a bottle of sake from between the stacks of papers, took a generous swig straight from it, and looked Shikako in the eye, her one visible one. "Whatever. This will have to do. We're one person short for planning and following through with the Academy's surprise training session today- considering we only had two people working on that and one is ill, you're filling in for the class. Go forth. Teach brats. Make it useful. Make it entertaining. They learn easiest when they think it's a game. Have...fun. I guess. Don't lapse your judgement, no alcohol allowed. And I suppose I should say don't take that off in front of them. Better yet, don't wear it in front of the kids. You will scar them for life. Or scare them off, whichever," She warned, looking down at the half empty bottle in her hand and swearing slightly. "Well, not for you and the kiddies anyway." She finished it off in one gulp.

"Er, is there a planned lesson goal or something they're required to gain from it?" Shikako asked, wanting to plan ahead. Maybe she shouldn't tell the Hokage about the bet, because she certainly wasn't in a position to be able to go back on her word. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her right? Right.

"Make it as close to mission experience as you can. Pass or fail, it's just a simulation. No leaving the village walls. They have to be done by sun down, no injuries, and all eighteen students have to be accounted for when you're done. Other than that you're on your own. Head straight for the academy and get further instruction from Iruka-sensei."

"I can do that."

"Great, you're dismissed. Now get out of my sight. Please, as fast as you can. I'm getting a migraine over here."

She ignored the fact that as she'd fled the Hokage's office out her window, as her sensei was in the habit of doing, the Hokage's chair arced through the air behind her while Tsunade-sama growled about people using her window like it was a door. It only took her a moment to hop over to the school, then climb in through Iruka's window. She figured that was appropriate as she was emulating her sensei.

Turning at the sudden intrusion, Iruka stood stock still in stunned disbelief. He didn't make a sound, or move a muscle, until Shikako smacked him in the arm with the Icha Icha book. Gasping, then backing away from the touch with a pointed grimace at the fact _that_ had touched _him_ , he looked her up and down, his very ashen expression screamed: ' _No_ ' but no words were forthcoming.

Seeing he was a bit shaken, she sighed and waved the book in front of his face, which made him focus on that for two seconds, before looking back at her with wide eyes, "Shikak- Gai- Kakash- ShikaGaiKashi- ShiKashiGai- No." Iruka sputtered, slipping names together into incoherent mashed words in his shock.

A twitter of giggles erupted around the room, as Shikako took in all eighteen faces of the children she would be helping to supervise that evening. She counted seven brown haired girls and boys, but one of the brown haired boys had a little spotted dog on his shoulder as he was clearly an Inuzuka. There was one blond boy with paint on his cheeks and a blonde girl with pigtails. There was a row of three blue haired kids that appeared to all be related to one another, one with drool seeping out of his face because he'd just looked up from a nap behind a book to see what the commotion was about. The rest of the kids had black hair and vaguely interested expressions except for one boy with pinkish hair like Sakura's who was staring at her intently with a look of venom; Shikako idly wondered if he was a relative of the pinkette's.

"Hey, you broke our sensei!" The pink haired boy yelled at her.

"I did? I guess I did. You need a new one. Guess I'll have to do it." She leaned toward Iruka and poked him with the book once more. He made a chewing motion with his lower jaw misaligned, and that was the only indication the chunin felt anything at all, as he stared at the girl. "No instructions, Iruka-sensei? Fine. You all will be stuck with me then. Come along, time to go!" She said it all in her Sai monotone, of course. The kids didn't seem to know if they should take her seriously. Looking at each other for clues, the two blondes hopped to their feet and lined up near her, seemingly ready to get out of the classroom and on to an adventure with the weirdest sensei they'd ever seen. Then the stream of kidlets followed behind, seeing as their teacher was comatose on his feet.

"Where are we going?" The tallest blue haired boy asked, eyeing her strange clothing up and down in between inspecting Iruka for any signs of life. He made a small gasping sound when the kid poked his arm, but that was about it.

"The storage room. Need to get some supplies. After that, we're heading to a certain rooftop. Then the game begins. We're playing a new game I made, it's called: _'Stealth Ninja'_! And because you asked, you three with the blue hair? You're the _Defending Team_. Everyone else is the _Infiltrating Team!_ "

Indignant cries of; "The what? We don't know that game!" erupted around the room.

"Why can't we play normal ninja?" A little girl asked, grabbing Shikako's hand that didn't have the Icha Icha book. Her quiet question of, "Is that porn?" which followed was ignored as the girl grabbed for her other hand to try to get a peek at what was written on the forbidden pages.

 _'Not good.'_

 _'Abort the toast.'_

Shikako raised her arm, out of the kid's reach. Luckily she was much shorter than herself. The blonde girl finally gave up and danced in place, pulling at her pigtails, while staring at Shikako in something akin to wonder. "You are reading porn! I didn't know kunoichi were allowed to DO that!"

 _'Corruption. I'm evil. Mission accomplished? Eh, maybe.'_

"Is this going to be on a test!?" One very vocal black haired boy whined piteously, a wooden kunai in his hand.

This was followed by skeptical questions like; "Wait, aren't you a normal ninja?" she couldn't tell who said that one.

And far too knowledgeable comments of; "That's not a normal ninja. My dad said respectable ninja don't dress like that. Or read things like that," this from the brown haired girl that had been in the first row.

"But there's a hitai-ate! That's a ninja for sure!"

"Nu-uh."

"Yeah huh."

"Woof, woof!" Did that mean the Inuzuka's dog agreed or disagreed? She couldn't tell.

Snorted denials; "If that's a normal ninja, I'll eat my textbook." from the blue haired boy that had been napping earlier. He walked along behind everyone else, but beside the blond boy.

Then the fabled; "You already soaked it with drool, it's nice and soggy, ready to chew." shot from said blond boy with a sneer.

"Why you!" Before the blue haired boy could smack the blonde kid for his humor, Shikako silenced them all with a quick kawarimi, taking the place of the blue haired boy as the blond moved to make a fist in his direction too. Reeling back, the blonde paused, shocked, to see their new substitute teacher there instead.

The blue haired boy looked around the room, lowering his fist, while wondering how he'd gotten transported to the other side of the group so suddenly, "How did you!?"

"You'll learn." She said, giving them a one-eyed wink. They followed along behind her like a long trail of curious ducklings, parting to let her walk through, while muttering among themselves avidly, as she led them out of the room.

"That was a jutsu, we're supposed to learn it next year!" Whispered one of the smallest boys, a black haired one.

"Yeah, jutsus, she IS a ninja!" the pig-tailed girl pranced along beside her.

"You want your textbook now, Shinji-kun?" the blonde muttered with a smile.

"Stuff it, Ringo-kun!" the blue haired boy growled.

"Well, you were going to." came the smug response.

Iruka didn't move for another half an hour, and that was only to finally sit down at his desk and wonder what hit him. And where his students had vanished to. Seeing as it was almost time to head home, he shook his head and wandered out of the classroom in a daze. Maybe he should take Izumo up on that offer to head to the bar with him after all. A drink sounded good right about now. Especially if the other guy was buying.

.

...

Having outfitted herself and the three blue haired boys in the storage room with ear pieces and microphones, and making sure they were all on a mostly private or not frequently used signal, she led the kids to the roof where Shikamaru and Chouji usually sat. Thankfully, the roof was free for their use. (She decided to ignore the fact that half of the off duty ninja that had been dogging her every move had followed them quietly and were observing from a distance.) There, she laid out the items they'd taken from the storeroom. A clipboard with a long list she'd been writing while she led them to the roof as she brainstormed ideas, alongside a small cardboard box, and several sheets of paper for her own use later. She had the children give her their names and ages and wrote them all down so she'd have a checklist to make certain she could call roll when this was all over. Didn't hurt to be thorough.

The blue haired boys were each given a bag full of water balloons, then instructed to go fill them. They would need them later. Each of the blue haired boys were told to take their water balloons, once filled, and head into position, having instructed them on their use and their own part in this game as the Defending Team out of earshot of the others. They were each given their own rooftop to guard, and an area they were in charge of 'protecting,' which surrounded the building she'd chosen for them.

Once everyone was settled and ready to go, Shikako had them sit in a circle around her. She ripped apart the paper she'd been furiously brainstorming on and placed it in folded strips into the small box she'd brought with her. The children watched her curiously. It was rather hard to do while holding the Icha Icha book, but she wasn't letting it out of her sight since the little girl had entertained an avid interest in reading it and had made several snatch-and-grab attempts to steal it from her. She now knew how Kakashi felt.

"You lucky ducklings are the Invading Team. What that means is simple. You get to go on missions like real ninjas. You even have points that accumulate as a team. You'll be divided into teams of three so you'll have to work with each other to complete your missions. Missions will be a random selection from this box." She said, holding it up. "Each mission you go on that you complete successfully earns your team a stealth point. The goal is to get as many stealth points as you can. However, if you go on the mission and any member of your team gets seen by the Defending Team while you're on the mission, you automatically lose your team's stealth point for that mission. Accumulated team stealth points from completed missions are counted towards the Infiltrating Team's score as a whole. The Defending Team is graded on a different scale which you guys don't need to worry about.

"Each individual starts the game with one stealth point. Inuzuka-kun, you and your dog count as one person so if it happens to your dog it happens to you interchangeably. Your dog can lose you your stealth point if she is seen or caught by the Defending Team." At this, the boy nodded in acknowledgement, already used to the idea that he and his dog were an inseparable team.

"Ruru is a good girl, she won't get seen by anyone!" he taunted. The other kids snickered.

"If you lose your individual stealth point you personally lose the game. You get to keep playing though. Some of your teams will lose their stealth points while individuals will still keep their own. Some of you will know the moment you lose your stealth point. Others will have no clue through the course of the game. You must complete your assigned mission without losing your team's stealth point- and also without dying. If you personally keep your stealth point- good for you, that's a good sign since you're trying to become stealthy ninjas. It's not a competition, but it's very competitive."

"D-dying? We could _die_?" One of the brown haired boys squeaked. The others looked around them in trepidation, visibly shaken.

"That is, if you get hit by a water balloon, boom, you're _dead_. Get it?" To emphasize the point, she juggled a water balloon in her hand and mimed throwing it at him as she'd said 'boom.'

"Oh! Okay!" That made them relax somewhat.

"Of course, getting hit by a balloon means you were seen, and you obviously lost your stealth point personally, and for your team as a whole. You cannot earn your personal stealth point back in this game. While you still might complete a mission objective while losing a stealth point, if you lose a teammate, your team failed the mission automatically whether the objective was completed or not. Once you lose a team stealth point you can earn one back by doing another mission without getting seen. If you can prove to me you've done that you'll earn your team's stealth point back. Sometimes you won't know if your team lost your stealth point and needs to earn another, or if you still retain yours and are simply earning more."

"So if one of us gets hit we lose?"

"Yep!" her flat-toned cheer impression was getting better, in her opinion. "If your team loses a member, you all come back to this roof and get another mission, but you lose your dead teammate. He can't play anymore. Once you die, you sit with me here on the roof and do whatever I tell you to. If you die, you can't play anymore, for obvious reasons. Your team fails at that point."

"But- any remaining members playing can team up with others if they've lost a member and go on anther mission if they so desire. Any new team composed of only losing teams starts out with no stealth points because they've both lost members. Note that in that case, you know you've already lost, but you still get to play because you're still 'alive' so you can help those who've still got their stealth points intact to complete missions. We play until nightfall, or everyone 'dies'. If everyone dies before sundown, game over. If each individual loses their stealth point, or no one manages to complete a mission and gain a team stealth point, then the Defending Team wins."

Some of the kids were scratching their heads while others were hopping in their seats in excitement, ready and eager to play. She split them into teams, A through E. She then drew a random mission out of the box for each of the teams to complete. They were not to share their mission with other teams, as they each had their own job to do. Feeling like she was releasing terror onto the village, _('Release the hounds, Smithers! Muahaha!')_ she sent them running down the stairs to start their game. The Defending Team was already waiting in position, according to her earpiece. While Shikako herself was a neutral party, she was working closely with the Defending Team to tell her which of them they saw, and which they hit with balloons. It was how she kept track of their personal and team stealth points on her little clipboard.

As the teams dispersed into the surrounding area, the gaggle of jounin and chunin that had been spying on her actually split to follow them, interested in what kind of missions she would give the Academy students to complete. Shikako honestly thought all these people had way too much time on their hands if this was how they chose to pass their day. Since this was supposed to be her own day off, she wondered if she was getting paid overtime for her participation, and figured she was probably getting nothing because they'd chalk it up to 'experience'.

With a shrug, she set her clipboard against the wall beside her and waited for her little blue haired team to tell her which of the little kidlets failed first. Having been sitting here with them for such a long while through that lengthy explanation of a game she'd composed on the fly, she'd gotten to know their chakras, faint as they were underdeveloped, so she could tell approximately where the kids were if she extended her senses but she really had to search for them.

The game was just beginning. Once the teams had left the game zone, she signaled to the Defending Team that it was time to start. Almost immediately, she got a response, "Defender One here, I see the blonde girl whose always stealing my lunch money. She's sneaking back into the game zone already. I don't remember her name though."

"It's Chihiro. Her name is Chihiro-san, sheesh, Daisuke-kun, you need to know that."

"No, I don't!" as the boy protested, Shikako marked down that Defender One took out Chihiro for losing her stealth point. That was disappointingly fast, actually. Team E was already in the red.

"She sits right next to you, across the aisle, doofus! She makes kissy-faces at you, for crying out loud!"

Even though she was amused by their banter, Shikako shushed them, "Boys, focus. Less talking, more _pelting them with water balloons_."

"Sorry, sensei."

 _'Sensei huh? Guess I am today.'_

"I MISSED! She's slippery."

"Please don't yell into the earpiece, bro." said the one named Shinji.

"Sorry, she dodged my water balloon."

"If you run out of ammo it's your own responsibility to acquire more. More can be found in the school supply closet. You saw where, I'm sure." Shikako leaned back into her awning covered seat and watched the clouds, taking a page from Shikamaru's book. She'd figured out a way to babysit Iruka's brats while still getting to relax on her day off after all. She looked up when a familiar wide shadow leaned over her.

"Is this seat taken?" Chouji-kun asked, munching on a rice ball. He had several more in his other hand.

"Nope, all yours." she responded, cautiously watching his every move. He smiled, took the seat, and continued to eat his rice ball. Not a word about her clothing. Not a mention of it. Didn't even look twice. They sat together for a few minutes in companionable silence. (Aside from random cursing filtering through into her earpiece. They still hadn't managed to hit Chihiro-san yet.)

Shikako sat up to wrapped her arms around Chouji's wide frame, and gave him a great big hug. Startled, the boy almost choked on his food.

"Defender Three, Yukiko-san lost her stealth point! She's trying to get into the hardware store! What does she even need in there anyways?" muttered in her ear. Pulling back, Shikako gave Chouji a big eye-smile and turned to mark the failure on her clipboard.

"Wh-what was that for?" the boy blushed a deep red.

"Never change, Chouji-kun. That's what it's for." Shikako said, ignoring the monotone inflection in favor of having an honest moment with a friend.

With a smile, he offered her a jelly filled rice ball. She gladly accepted, and pulled her mask down to munch on it while waiting for the game to progress.

An hour later, and three more stealth points lost added up to one person dead and two missions completed. The three teams brought in their completed mission objective, and their 'dead' companion, some with glee, the other with shame. The dead one was the pink haired boy who'd been smacked right in the face with a water balloon. Half of his face was still red from the impact, and his front and pants were soaking wet, but he was otherwise unharmed. He fumed in silence as he sat at the wall of the roof, watching the rest of his team down below. They'd split up and each joined one of the other teams that wasn't losing, upon conferring with Shikako that it was okay for the losing team's members to help the winning team to complete more missions, as some of the kids had been confused by the rules. That little addition to the rules made it easier for all the 'living' participants to still play.

To her surprise, Shizune-senpai joined them on the roof, for all intents and purposes simply to watch the game and not to gawk at Shikako's misfortune. Anko-senpai showed up a few minutes later, and sat with the other woman as she also watched the little kids dodging water balloons. They pointedly ignored Shikako, actually, while sharing a styrofoam container with dango in it. Sometimes, when she'd finished a dango stick, Anko tossed it at one of the kids as they were running from the balloons just to startle them. "That's mean, Anko." Shizune chided, though she did so with a smile.

"They need to get used to mean. The world is mean. This is a simulation, after all. Mean is real," was the purple haired woman's justification for throwing sticks at the running children. Shizune shrugged and let her continue, handing her her own empty sticks as ammo.

Shikako piled the loot (er, mission objectives,) that the winning teams brought in next to her seat and counted the paint cans and checked the colors. Everything was exactly as specified. Perfect. She did wonder how the kids had acquired them though, as she hadn't told them precisely how to. She didn't say to buy the paint, just to 'get her the paint.' Regardless, she didn't really want to dwell on that. It was hers now.

Deciding she needed a bit of help with it if things were going to go smoothly, she had the pink haired boy, named Daishiro-kun, bring the paint buckets to a location she'd written on a paper for his eyes only. He was also to deliver a letter to a certain person he was to meet there. "You have a very special delivery to make, now don't mess this up or you fail," she informed him, with an evil glint in her visible eye. Begrudgingly and a little afraid, he complied, doing precisely as his new 'sensei' told him to. Inquisitively watching him leave with the heavy paint cans, the women chattered in the corner of the rooftop lounge area, still watching the game progress. "Haha, that one got one in the back! You see that? Kids these days can't dodge."

"Defender Two here, Rento got killed!" came the confirmation in her ear, which she checked down on the paper, which was slowly filling up with lost stealth points. This didn't look good. She figured a few of them would be able to complete this task without getting caught. When they all died, or all lost their points, it was officially game over- as in fail, not pass, even if they didn't realize it. There were probably another two hours until sundown, so she wondered how long they could hold on, and which of the future genin would actually make it out alive.

When Rento-kun and his team showed up on the roof, it was with the loot they'd been sent to get. Shikako had to accept the loot, as they insisted on turning it in for the mission, but she had to break it to them that even thought they completed the requirements of the mission itself, they lost a teammate which means they failed the mission. She sent the survivors out with another mission, and the 'dead' kid still covered in water was sent with more paint cans to deliver them to the same place Daishiro-kun had gone with the other cans. Daishiro-kun came back just in time to make another delivery to the same place, but this time he was burdened with painting equipment, brushes, stirring sticks, and paint troughs. He grumbled the whole way, swearing a thousand years of death on his new sensei. She smirked under her mask and continued to read.

Anko wasn't kidding about that page, now that she'd gotten to it.

Sensing to check on the kids, she realized Genma and Raido were watching team A whom had received an extra member after Daishiro-kun lost, and yet another after Rento did, too. They were busy trying to find a way into a building without being caught by the Defenders, when the only entrances and exits were well within the water balloon lobber's range. The Defending team, it seemed, were not straying from their positions on top of their guard towers. She'd never told them that they had to hold still up there. This was the only real advantage the teams on the ground had over them, at this point. They could get into buildings and escape the line of fire, since the Defending Team wasn't bothering to chase them inside.

Aoba-senpai was following Team B along with some of the Inuzuka dogs, and she realized that was the team she'd placed the Inuzuka boy on. They were currently going after long, strong coils of rope, and climbing equipment, if she remembered correctly. It shouldn't be that difficult for them to acquire and really shouldn't have been taking them so long. They had yet to lose a stealth point, and had successfully completed a mission. They were in the lead.

Team C had broken up, when Daishiro died, and its members had dispersed into the other teams. They had also taken in members from Team D, after Rento lost as well. So, two teams were down with the remaining members scattered.

Team E was sitting idle, outside a bookstore. This was the team with the corrupted little blonde girl Chihiro-san on it. She hadn't given them a mission in that area, as she'd given them a mission to acquire tarps from an old storage shed across town, so she was honestly curious just what they were up to at a book...store... "Crap." The blonde was IN the store, radiating chakra like she'd been using henge and badly at that. Of course she was. It took Shikako a moment to realize what bookstore this was. It was the P!nk bookstore that Kakashi frequented. The one that sold Icha Icha (and Icha Icha accessories) by the dozen. Children definitely did not belong in that bookstore. There was a group of jounin and chunin hanging around outside, watching the kids with amusement and probably assuming she'd sent them there intentionally. "Troublesome," she said drolly, totally breaking character voice.

About to halt the game and retrieve her wayward charges, she stopped mid-motion as she was getting to her feet, then plopped back down into her seat, making everyone stare at her. "You know what, if they succeed, they earned it. That's all I have to say." This earned her interested glances from the women sitting nearby- they had no idea what she was talking about.

She knew for a fact the owner of that bookstore was a retired ninja whom would see through an Academy henge faster than you can say ' _Dattebayo_.' With that thought in mind, she wasn't too worried. Naruto had yet to get past him, trickster that he was. A team of pre-genin, when an actual genin with henge and multi-shadow clones had tried it multiple times in the past? Yeah, good luck, kids. They would need it.

She had a horrified moment to wonder what the parents were going to say. She wondered if she could get away with blaming this on her sensei, which would just be easily dismissed as collateral damage due to proximity, and figured that would be too easy. Or all too expected.

With a sigh of defeat, she decided in the end she would have to face the music.

It wasn't long before the sun set, and all the children came trailing back to the roof, either in success or in defeat. They jeered at each other and poked fun at one another, going over the highlights of today's game cheerfully.

"Three of you still have your stealth points. Congratulations, you three have passed. Take these, and read them before you go home." She said as she handed three pieces of paper out to one group of children, the ones that completed the most successful missions without being seen. The Inuzuka and his dog jumped up and down in joy, then did a little dance in front of everyone, "I told you Ruru and I are the best!"

"Good job. The rest of you? Practice not getting caught. Now head home." Most of the kids jumped up and clambered out of sight. One or two of them were giving wary looks in Anko's direction, to which she only waved in a friendly manner as they retreated.

"Not a bad exercise, Shikako-san! Wait, what were those papers you passed out?" Shizune asked after they had left.

"Further instructions for the winners, that's all."

Stopping his dancing, he and the other two children- the blond boy and one brown haired girl- all took a moment to read their papers. "YOU WANT US TO WHAT?!" Backing up, the Inuzuka tripped over his dog, and fell on his rear on the rooftop. The dog bit him on the nose.

.

...

Several miles away, sitting comfortably at a bench in an informal tea house outside Konoha, with a hot brewed beverage in front of him, Kakashi-sensei abruptly sneezed three times in succession. That was never good.

Never good.

He had not been having a good week. Just this morning as he'd left his apartment out the north window he'd discovered his entire apartment, every single window, had been booby-trapped inside and out. Of course, he'd discovered this a fraction of a second too late to do anything about it.

He now sported silver-streaked purple hair, with flecks of vibrant red in it, and his skin had taken on an unusual pinkish tint that just would not wash away in a spattered pattern that had shot out of the glass of his window unexpectedly. It altered the colors of whatever it touched instantly. He'd had to replace his mask, hitai-ate, and his vest and clothing. He still had no idea what this substance was, even after taking it to a lab to be tested. There was just no saving the clothing from the warm colored stains that gave off a gross scent akin to vomit. His nin-dogs wouldn't come near him after that. He'd had to toss the clothes and change after a thorough shower.

He didn't know who had done it, why or how, but he was determined to figure it out. He'd headed to the tea house to clear his head and think it over. Was it a genjutsu hiding the trigger mechanism? There was always that. It could have been fuinjutsu, and that would narrow the suspect list possibility down significantly; However, there were only so many people he'd angered in the past... well... there were quite a few, actually. He couldn't figure it out, and had no real list of suspects. If it were an enemy, he'd be dead right now. The thought made him pause. Who would want to prank him? Surely not anyone he knew, since Naruto wasn't even in the village at the moment.

He'd been sitting there for quite some time, pondering the problem before him- not so much who the prankster was, but the more immediate issue he was faced with: he had ordered food and drink, and hadn't even realized he'd left his money in his pouch- at the training grounds- just the other evening. Was it impolite to eat and then run? Yes. Yes, it was.

But, did he care? If he didn't, then he wouldn't be stuck thinking it over in shame. (While getting odd looks from the other customers.)

He hadn't even brought his book to hide behind while drinking it. He couldn't even remember where he'd lost it at. He blamed his wayward students. That was always a good answer.

While pondering this pressing issue, he'd missed that five minute window of opportunity, and his tea had regretfully gone cold.

.

...

"Did you think I wouldn't know you were behind this little stunt?" Tsunade-sama yelled for all to hear, her voice echoing down the hallway outside her office the next morning.

Shikako's reply was terse, "It wasn't me." She wasn't angry at being accused, as she had fully expected it, and was trying to keep from smiling. In this case, though keeping a straight face was probably the only way to save herself from physical injury, she was having a decidedly difficult time of it. She could clearly see out the window behind the Hokage, that the Hokage mountain was brightly painted, in full lively color, right down to the shadowed wrinkles on Sandaime's face. The colors had appeared as if by magic, overnight, and the entirety of Konoha had noticed instantly.

The older generation were livid. The council was peeved. Danzo had sent his men out to investigate just who was behind this atrocity. There were anbu looking under every flower pot, it seemed, just trying to find answers.

The kids of Konoha loved it. They 'oohed' and 'aaahed' at the new spectacle with glee.

The civilians, for the most part, thought it was intentional beautification, and the majority of them were in full support of this change, though wondering why their tax dollars were being spent in this way without their knowledge. Some of them sent flowers to Tsunade for the thoughtful change, and suggested a few more brightly lit murals for the walls of several buildings to go with it.

The ninjas in town that were on patrol that night- anbu included- shook their heads, at a loss. They were all wondering who the hell got past them and who grew a pair to even try?

Tsunade-sama was not amused. She had already thrown her desk (sans the flowers which were lined up carefully under the window to get plenty of light) out the window and almost brained a secretary who was late to work that day. (Because she'd stopped to gawk.)

"The paint and supplies you stole will be docked from your pay." The blonde woman continued, unhearing. Her eyes were focused out the window, angrily assessing the damage to the monument. Her eye twitched. It wasn't bad looking, actually. But she couldn't let it pass.

"I didn't steal any paint or supplies." the Nara denied.

"Tsunade-sama, you can't dock her pay... Fifteen jounin and twelve chunin, alongside about eight genin, and all eighteen academy students she was training at the time all confirmed that they watched Shikako-san on the roof the entire time. She didn't steal the items in question. Also, I was there." Shizune piped up, clearing her throat, her hesitant voice breaking the tense silence that had fallen between the two females that were steadily glaring at one another. "There is also no proof that the paint and supplies that Shikako had in her possession that day were even involved in this incident."

"And yet... she was behind it."

"Actually... Konohamaru-kun has claimed full responsibility for everything, saying it was his team's fault, 'in the name of the prank,' whatever that means." Shizune stated.

Tsunade sputtered, turning to the woman beside her who was holding up a scroll- a written confession from the Konohamaru squad in their near illegible handwriting. It almost looked like someone had inked in the face of a troll in the corner as a signature. "That little..." Tsunade turned away, distracted.

Shikako breathed a sigh of relief and decided to celebrate by buying Ebisu-senpai's team ramen that night. There were a few academy students who had earned some ramen as well, she mused.

"And another thing. I received several complaints from concerned parents about 'the substitute teacher filling our children's heads with thoughts that reading porn is appropriate behavior' What do you have to say about that, Shikako-san?"

"Someone has spent way too much time vilifying other people's relaxation and coping techniques."

"You are never going near the academy again. You are banned from any and all babysitting D Rank missions as well. Not that you've been doing any lately, but still."

 _'There IS an upside to this! Yes!'_

"I understand, Hokage-sama! Thank you very much!" she gave a happy salute, smiling serenely.

"The girl is happy? Happy!?" Tsunade wanted to smack her head against something but the walls were just too far away to make any effort to walk towards. And she'd already thrown her desk sky high. She hid her face in a startled Shizune's readily available shoulder and almost, almost let out a sob.

.

...

"Kotetsu-san, did you hear?" Izumo asked as he took a seat on the bench in the park beside his best friend.

"Hear what, Izumo-san?"

"Iruka-sensei requested leave for a few weeks."

"Medical?"

"No. He's in good health, reasonably. Physically, anyway."

"Any reason why? He's not scheduled for vacation just yet, if I'm recalling it right."

"Apparently his brain is broken." This was met with an incredulous stare during a rather lengthy pause.

"I... would list that under medical... I knew those kids were going to get to him eventually." came the hesitant reply.

A new voice chimed in as Raido-san walked up to them, hearing the tail end of their conversation, "Huh, who'd have thought? Iruka-sensei, right?"

"Yeah. They need an emergency substitute Academy Instructor. And get this, this is odd- his class is making a unanimous request." Izumo told them, both eyebrows raised as high as they could go. "They actually marched their little asses into the Hokage's office and demanded a new teacher because _the one they had was boring."_

"Poor Iruka-sensei! All of them?" this was followed by an affirmative nod from Izumo-san.

Raido touched his chin, lost in thought,"Really, who do they want to teach them?"

"They said they think her name is 'ShikaGaiKashi' but they're just not sure. Since there was some debate over that, they clarified by waving this paper in front of the Hokage's nose, since there's a picture of her here," Here Izumo held up a copy of the Konoha Times special report of 'The Incident' which framed the photo of Shikako all dressed up and strolling down town with the book of porn in hand, then continued, "And specifying they wanted the 'Super fun, porn reading, lime green wearing, half-blind and probably-horribly-disfigured-under-that-mask (I bet she isn't though) girl with the odd way of speaking." At that, a very undignified snorting and chortling session ensued.

When the three of them walked away, they left the Konoha Times paper on the bench where Kotetsu and Izumo had been sitting. A teenage boy wearing a high collar concealing the majority of his face jumped down out of a nearby tree. A small cloud of insects fluttered in and out of his sleeves as he softly and silently landed. He walked to the bench, glanced at the photograph detailing his win of 'the bet', then reached for the paper. It rapidly vanished into his coat as if he hadn't even touched it.

"I would be a fun teacher. Why? Because, I have a sense of humor," he said in a dry voice.

With the tiniest of smiles gracing his thin lips he walked into the trees and vanished from sight behind a cloud of writhing insects.


End file.
